March 2007

emotions- we all have them

some of us like to hide them, others of us love to bare all…. but what is the biblical way to deal with emotions?

with all the stress of finishing up this semester (my last!) while trying to figure out something to do with the next year of my life and dealing with postponing seminary, my emotions have been swirling

a few weeks ago at small group my friend brought up the topic of emotions. she had been brought up as a conservative christian and learned that some emotions are ‘bad’ emotions, and in turn she decided she needed to hide and suppress these emotions because they aren’t ‘christian’

her story disturbed me because she had perceived that being christian meant hiding part of who she was… and something about that seems unbiblical to me. i mean, God knows your heart and your true emotions anyways, so what is the point of hiding the ‘bad’ ones

i heard this quote this semester: ‘emotions come uninvited’

so what is the role of emotions in the life of a christian? they show up uninvited and even sometimes make us embarrassed. we may fight with them, try to hide them, or just let them all out… when are they sinful? when are they healthy? and when is it healthy to bare sinful emotions? should we feel guilty about our emotions? should we try to change them?

i’d be great if you all commented on this one… even if you don’t have any big eloquent ideas

Well, Mike and I have made a big decision. This is much less of an interesting blog post but a public-service-announcment to all the friends and family who know us who read my blog.

( drum-roll-please……….. )

We’ll be staying in Chicago for another year!

The decision was very difficult because I recently found out I was accepted to Fuller Seminary out in the LA area and Mike and I both wanted to go. We visited over Thanksgiving and loved it, and I have my heart set on attending Fuller for seminary. We decided that we want to stay another year so Mike can continue to work at his current job. He loves it a lot and it is a great place to learn from some of the best in the solar energy business, which is important because he wants to own his own solar energy company someday.

So now I’m trying to find something to do for a year. This presents some issues. First, I can’t take a youth ministry job because I am only going to be in the city for another year. Second, I’ve been trying to find jobs at social service agencies that work with teens but I am under-qualified for almost all that I have found. Third, I need to find something in a relatively small area because we want to continue to live in the city of Chicago and we only have one car, which Mike needs to get to work and back.

So this next year? Well, I may be back working at a coffeehouse again. Which won’t be the end of the world but I am so ready to get my first ‘real’ youth ministry job, so working in a coffeehouse does seem like a letdown. Luckily I can stay part-time at my youth ministry internship this next year and take on more responsibility so I will still have some awesome teens in my life. And hopefully I can take a class or two at North Park Seminary next year and continue learning.

Yesterday was Mike and my eight-month anniversary and I think that this has been the most difficult thing about being married so far. It’s really hard to take two people who are used to having relative freedom to move around the country and do what we want when we want and put them together. Mike and I both have moved a lot and taken a lot of great opportunities over the last few years, but now we need to make sure that all of our choices work for both of us. For two people who love adventure and don’t want to “settle down” too much, it’s difficult to make our lives coincide and feel content where we are. To be honest, if Mike and I hadn’t gotten married he would still be working at the great job he had in Madison, WI and I would probably be headed off to Fuller this fall.

But love trumps it all. Mike and I knew that choosing to be together meant sacrificing our own desires sometimes. It’s difficult, I won’t lie, but definitely worth it. I wouldn’t trade Mike for anything :).

ok, this is definitely good for a few laughs:

keep the comments rollin on the “drowning in truth” post- they have been helpful and encouraging

I just wanted to give you all a heads-up on a project a friend of mine is working on. Jesse and I are in a bible study together with a wonderful motley crew of christians. Jesse decided to follow his passions in life so he left the typical 9-5 world and is now spending his time exploring faith and politics. He founded a website called “Faithful Democrats: an Online Christian Community” and I think it’s worth your time to check it out, no matter what faith or political views you come from!

(non-Christian readers, this may be incredibly boring to you- i’m sorry)

This may be the best or the worst spring break ever, depending on how you look at it. Monday I got my top wisdom teeth out and yesterday I returned to the doctor for yet another appointment to try to get my asthma under control (not being able to breathe is no fun)… and now both my mouth and lungs are feeling much better but my mind hurts. No it’s not a headache, but such a tangled swarm of thoughts and ideas that I cannot sort out…

This spring break my goal was to read a few books for my senior capstone project. I’m doing a research paper on the emerging church and doing a seminar on what youth ministry may look like in the emerging church (if I can manage to pull this all off…). I wanted to read three books this break but that may not happen (thanks to feeling sick the whole beginning of the week). But I am reading a lot and my mind is simply overloaded with ideas…

I’m trying to figure out this seminary -vs- working -vs- working and going to seminary decision. What should I do next with my life? I spent hours yesterday looking for part-time youth ministry jobs in the LA area and felt extremely discouraged. I didn’t really want to work at any of the churches. They were either all about “high-octane-energy-outreach” or babysitting the church kids and being an amazing communicator. yuck… And then I found a youth ministry job that actually made my heart jump with excitement- only it’s on the north-side of Chicago, not in LA. hmm… what does that mean?

But today that seminary -vs.- working decision went a little deeper than the practical issues of moving, money, timing, Mike, etc. What is the purpose of seminary? How important is it that I go now? I wanted to go to seminary right after undergraduate because I have not had a lot of time to take biblical studies classes or theology classes and I decided that I needed to know a lot more truth for myself before I could be a witness to truth to others.

But today, as I read, I had to ask myself, how important is [propositional] truth? How important is correct doctrine? How important is systematic theology? I know that Truth is extremely important (Truth being the person and work of Jesus), but how important is truth (with the little “t”)? How important is a seminary education to being a minister? Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love God and love people, and he wanted his followers to know the truth of who he was, but how much did Jesus stress that his followers have correct doctrine?

My mind is drowning in truth today because there seems to be so many competing truths in Christianity that divide us while there is only one Truth. And if I know the Truth, and I am trying to love God and love people, and I am trying to know who Christ truly is, how important is correct doctrine? And if it is essential, what is a Christian supposed to do when so many truths seem to be competing?

As a Christian community we seem to be in the middle of a giant conversation trying to figure out all these truths. I love these conversations in my own life- discussing theology, alternative views, and surrounding myself with people who think differently than I do- but can truth ever really be found? (truth, not Truth) I believe that a lot of truth is only for God to know and will remain a mystery to us here on earth… so should I ever claim to know those mysterious truths or simply join in the conversation about them? How much energy should we pour into this conversation about truth? Or should we simply focus on loving the Truth and following him?

I would love your thoughts on truth, on having correct doctrine, and on going to seminary.

What do you do when the “good news” isn’t good news to you? I cringe… literally… when I hear most people share the gospel. Not good, right?

I have been trying to figure out why I cringe at the gospel for the last year. I am a Christian, I love Jesus, and I believe the bible is true… why does the gospel bug me?

I have to say that maybe it’s only the version of the gospel that I have heard that bugs me. Because the real gospel is supposed to be amazing and life changing and profound… and actually GOOD NEWS. The gospel I have heard so often sounds something like this:

We are sinful people and do not deserve to be in relationship with God. Our sin separates us from the holy God. Fortunately God sent his son, Jesus, to earth and he became both human and divine. Although Jesus himself was sinless, he died on the cross to pay the price for all of our sins. If we put our trust in Jesus as our Lord and Savior, God will forgive us of all of our sins, we can be in relationship with him, and we get the free gift of eternal life with God in heaven.

ummm…. that’s good news? sure it is! but I don’t really get that excited about it. maybe it’s because I’ve heard it one too many times now. or maybe I’m just too sinful to understand it…. or maybe because it’s only a tiny piece of what the gospel is.

Yes, we are not holy or worthy of God. And yes, Jesus died as a sacrifice for our sins. And yes, now we can be in relationship with God through his grace. These things are all true and wonderful and biblical. But they seem to be missing something. Isn’t the gospel bigger than that? Isn’t there more to the story?

The gospel I have heard scares me because it says that it is really just all about getting into heaven and accepting a free gift. Sure, the gospel that I have heard has made many dedicated followers of Christ, but I’m afraid it has also made a lot of Christians who have their ticket to heaven in hand and no plans to actually follow Christ. And Christianity without discipleship scares me. And the gospel that offers the “free gift of eternal life” without telling you that you need to lose your life to Christ seems simply heretical to me. It seems like a cheap gospel that cares more about sneaking people into heaven than creating disciples and bringing the Kingdom of God.

In David Fitch’s post (found here), Fitch wrote about a meeting with Dallas Willard. Here is part of his post:

Dallas asserted that there are “3 Gospels Heard at the Present”

1.) YOUR SINS WILL BE FORGIVEN and you will be in heaven in the afterlife if you believed that Jesus suffered for your sins
2.) JESUS DIED TO LIBERATE THE OPPRESSED and you can stand with him in that battle.
3.) DO WHAT YOUR CHURCH SAYS and it will see to it you are received by God.

Dallas said compare these 3 gospels with the following:

4.) Put your confidence and trust in Jesus and live with him as his disciple now in the present Kingdom of God (Matt 6.33; Rom 8.1-14; Col 1.13; 3. 1-4; John 3.1-8).
He said “Salvation is participating now in the life which Jesus is now living on earth - Of course that involves forgiveness and heaven afterward and much more.”
I have to say that I am a #4 on this list. The other three just seem crazy to me. But I have to ask, why does #2 and #3 seem ridiculous to so many while #1 is accepted as truth?

I am thankful that there are voices out their countering the #1 gospel that I have heard so many times. Getting a fuller gospel has made me see that the gospel really is good news. I used to hate the idea of evangelism- sure, I would share my story, but would I share the (#1) gospel? Not in your life! Why? Because even I, a Christian, don’t see it as that good of news. Why would I share so-so news?

I am currently trying to work my way through Scot McKnight’s “Embracing Grace”. I heard him speak at Willow’s Shift Student Ministry Conference last week and loved his picture of what the gospel is all about. Instead of cringing it makes me excited… and I actually want to share it with others! It just rings true in my soul, and that makes me feel oh so good. Scot says the gospel is:

The gospel is:

1. The work of God, who is Father, Son, and Spirit,
2. In the context of the community of faith (Israel then the Church)
3. To restore cracked Eikons (we are made in God’s image [Eikons] but we ruined it by sin)
4. Through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ and
5. The gift of the Holy Spirit
6. To union with God and self and
7. To union with one with one another
8. To be missional agents for the good of the world.

It’s not a four-pointer. In fact, it is twice that. We are made to be in union with God, with self, with others, and with the world. Our sin cracked our relationships in each of those four relationships so we are “cracked� in our relationship with God, self, others, and the world. The gospel is the work of God to restore us — to heal us through exposure and transformation — so we will become the Eikons God meant us to be. When that happens, we will be holistically healed and will becomes “agents of embracing grace� with everything we encounter. We will become Eikons who glow with God’s presence because we are rightly related to God, self, others, and the world. It takes time, though, Emily. For some of us a long time. Some heal up quicker than others, but don’t kid yourself — this glowing is not easy stuff.

(This is in his book but I copied it from his blog entry here)
Ah, this full and beautiful picture of the gospel brings me to life… I love it and appreciate that I have finally found a good-news gospel. I also cringe that I had to search for so long and hard to find this picture of the gospel even though I have been surrounded by so many Christians, ministries, and ministers for the past three years. That just doesn’t seem right.

So- what do you think?

What is the real gospel, in your opinion?

Where did you learn what the gospel was?

How has your grasp of the gospel changed over time?

PLEASE SHARE!

I feel like so much has happened over the past few weeks and I haven’t had much time to “unpack” all of it (to use a ministry term) but I’d like to update you on what’s been going on. Why should you care? I don’t know, but I’m going to write it anyways.

Two weekends ago I participated in a trip called Sankofa through my school. “Sankofa” means “looking back to move forward”. North Park sets up yearly Sankofa trips where students travel around the country on a bus for a weekend and try to racially reconcile with one another. Every non-African-American student was paired up with an African-American student to be partners for the weekend. I’m not going to get into all the ins-and-outs of racial reconciliation (you can google it) but it was a powerful trip. We left at 8:30 on a Thursday night and returned late on Sunday and spent the entire weekend on a coach bus, minus one short night at a hotel. We traveled to Louisiana, Jackson Miss, Memphis, and Cincinnati. I visited a plantation, the John Perkins center, the National Civil Rights museum, the Stax museum, and the National Freedom Center. I explored Memphis, ate soul food three times (YUM!) and learned how to sleep well on a bus. I became good friends with my partner Ashley and saw racism happen against some of my friends while on the trip. We watched movies dealing with racial issues on the bus and spent hours in whole-bus discussions talking about issues… it was an amazing trip. I decided to go on Sankofa because I was beginning to believe that I had finished the process of racial reconciliation. This trip was less about racial reconciliation and more about just making new friends for me, but I still got a chance to examine myself and see all the ugly places were I still judge, where I still let fear infiltrate my relationships, and where I seek safety (which so often can be found by spending time with people who are like you in some way or another). This trip taught me that loving others unconditionally and without judging will be a lifelong battle with myself- but that realization makes it a little bit easier.

After I got back from Sankofa I didn’t feel too well and my asthma was acting up. After spending a few nights sleeping sitting-half-up on the couch and coughing up my lungs in a few classes I decided to go to the doctor. Turns out I had bronchitis, which doesn’t complement asthma well. Four prescription meds and a week later and I’m feeling almost as good as new.

A little while ago our laptop broke and we decided get a new one. We wanted to get an apple because our Dell had had so many issues and we wanted a laptop that would last us for the next few years. So we searched Craig’s list and found a barely-used iBook for half the retail value and bought it! In order to afford the new laptop we decided to sell our old one on e-bay and…

I volunteered to be a Polling Place Administrator for Chicago’s city elections. I made $500 being the “tech geek” for a local polling place. I had to train for 6 hours at UIC and work from 5am to 8pm on election day, but I made enough money to get the laptop! The elections were this past Tuesday, and I got to say minus a few long days at college library while at Wisconsin, this was probably one of the most boring days of my life. There were no technical problems the entire day to I basically worked from 5am to 5:30am setting the equipment up and worked from 7pm to 8pm taking it down. The rest of the day I sat at a desk. I couldn’t leave. There was no TV, computer, or internet. No one to talk to… so I read an entire book by 2:30 and half of another one by the end of the day. Luckily I made it through the boring day with the motivation of my new laptop.

Also on this past Tuesday I found out I got got into Fuller Theological Seminary out in Pasadena CA. I’m both excited and tired by this news. I am super excited on one hand- I have dreamed of going to Fuller and now I know that they want me. I got into grad school! On the other hand this means I need to continue the tired and stressful process of figuring out if we are actually going to go this next Spring. It’s been a stressful (yet hopeful) topic this entire year for Mike and I. I want to go so badly, but I also want to do what is right for Mike and I and I don’t know if this is right right now. So we’ll see!

Finally, I spent Wednesday through today at Willow Creek’s student ministries conference “Shift“. I went with Paul, the youth minister I am interning under. This was my first big ministry conference and I really enjoyed it. I heard a lot of good speakers and it was great to take of school for a few days (ironically from all youth ministry classes) and just sit back and learn (without all the reading, papers, and notetaking). I have to say that far and away my favorite speakers were Scot McKnight and Efrem Smith. Wow.

Finally, tonight I am helping set-up for, and tomorrow I am attending, the Urban Reload Conference. (yes, another youth ministry conference). It should be pretty sweet.

So that rounds out my two weeks. Exciting stuff, huh? It sure is!