January 2007

I’ve never seen the show “To Catch a Predator” and I don’t really know if I want to. If you haven’t seen it or heard much about it, here is a quick summary of the show. First, adults go online pretending to be teenage girls (and sometimes teenage guys), often 13 years old. They enter chat rooms and innocently begin conversations with men online. The “13 year olds” get to know the men online over time and eventually invite them over for a visit. Sometimes these men go to great great lengths to get to the homes of what they think are teenage girls. When they arrive an 18 or 19 year old woman lets them in, pretending to be a 13 year old girl. They then make some excuse to leave the room for a moment and the host of “To Catch a Predator” comes out… they’re busted. The host questions the predator for while and then when they walk out of the home, the predator is arrested. (sorry… long summary)

When I first heard about the show I was angry. I thought it was ok to set up these predators and arrest them, but I did not agree with putting the whole thing on TV. These men have problems and as soon as they are caught they are filled with immense shame and regret, often trying to hide their faces. I was mad that NBC was using these men to entertain the American public. I was venting my frustrations to Mike about the show when he pointed out that televising these predators being caught may deter others from ever trying to visit an underage teenager in fear that they are being set up. Perhaps it is ok to put these men on national TV…

Then this morning I saw a preview of tonight’s “To Catch a Predator” on the Today show. One of the predators they caught had seen the show several times yet he still decided to visit the home of a girl he thought was 13 to sleep with her. Apparently even the fear of being caught on national TV and going to jail is worth the risk to be with a teenage girl.

So now I have a new complaint about this show. There is a very very horrible double-standard in America when it comes to men’s sexuality*. On some TV shows you will find jokes and humor based on a man’s use of pornography. TV portrays porn as perfectly normal, acceptable, and something not to be ashamed of. I see it again and again, and if you don’t just watch for it, especially on sitcoms. Here are a few lines from a Friends’ episode, “The One with the Free Porn”:

Mr. Treeger: [notices that Joey and Chandler have free porn] Wow, hey. That lady is all kinds of naked.
Chandler: Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just came on.
Mr. Treeger: Yeah, it happened to me once. I was just flipping through the channels and BAM. It was like finding money.
Chandler: Like finding money with naked people on it.
Mr. Treeger: Then I made the mistake of turning off the tv. I never got it back again.
[pause]
Mr. Treeger: And I’m sad.
Joey: [to Chandler] Why would he turn of the tv?

Throughout the whole episode the guys’ TV is on, even when people are over, because the guys don’t want to lose their free porn. Our media portrays porn as being perfectly acceptable and has even lost the stigmas as being sleazy or shameful, much less being thought of as damaging to society and men’s psyche/relationships.

So on one hand you have our media portraying porn as normal and on the other hand you have our media completely condemning these “predators” that pursue sexual relationships with teenage girls. Now don’t get me wrong, I completely agree that it is horribly wrong for adult men to pursue sexual relationships with teenage girls, but why the double standard? Why doesn’t America see that it is accepting the cause of the problem while condemning the outcome? It just doesn’t make any sense.

100 bucks that all these guys who are going after teenage girls on the internet are addicted to porn. (And challenge me if you think there isn’t a strong correlation between the pornography industry and seeking sex with under-agers.) We have made it easy and acceptable to go online and look at all the pornography we could ever want, so should we be surprised that there are so many men* (or women for that matter) who want to live-out what they see online? Should we be surprised when pornography pushes “barely legal” 18 and 19 year old girls and then “To Catch a Predator” catches hundreds of men seeking sex with under-agers?

I wish these men could find serious help instead of used as national entertainment and then sent to jail. I realize these men are struggling with serious addictions and temptations and probably feel shameful for their actions. I wish that society would stop telling these men that pornography is alright and then condemn them when they try to act it out. I pray that these men on predator can come away with some advocates, helping them overcome, instead of a nation full of enemies.

I am sure some of the men on predator have little conscience and should be condemned for pursuing young teens. But I think other men on the show are just your average guys sucked into a string of temptations, and one step after another they end up doing something really stupid, feeling both shame and temptation all along the way. I think these men should be stopped and arrested, but they also need grace. They need someone to help them overcome… they need someone who sees them as they truly are and can help them overcome the sin and shame in their lives. You know who I mean. Let’s just hope they find him, and find his grace and healing…

Worth checking out: www.xxxchurch.com (don’t be afraid of the “xxx”- it’s a perfectly safe website.)

So what do you think? Do you believe that pornography is to blame for sexual issues such as predators in our society? What would you propose we do about issues with pornography? How do you think Christians should interact or relate to sexual predators? (This one really comes down to what you think Jesus would do… ) If you are not Christian, I would especially love to hear your views on pornography and also on how to deal with sexual predators in our society.

* To all the men reading this, I don’t mean to place you in a bad light or stereotype you by any means. I know plenty of amazing guys who are fighting hard to keep sexually pure and I realize that only a very small percentage of men are “predators”. I do not mean to generalize men in this blog and disclude women, I am only speaking more about men because they are the group highlighted on the show To Catch a Predator.

My friend Dave wrote a blog about what he was reading lately and I thought I would do the same. I love reading about what other people are reading. As Dave can attest, I enjoy looking through other people’s bookshelves (sorry about leaving your books lying around dave… ) to find out what they are interested in. I figure that if someone invests the time into reading a book or at least spent the money to buy it and place it on their bookshelf it probably reflects them or their interests. I know that can be said of me and my bookshelf. So here is the list of what I have been reading lately.

Over Christmas break I tried to read as many books as possible. This is as far as I got:

Culture Jam- by Kalle Lasn (the publisher of Adbusters magazine) Could have been better written but a completely worthwhile read if you are interested in learning just how much power the media, corporations, and brands have on our culture (and yourself) and what you can do about it.

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My Bloody Life: The Making a Latin King- by Reymundo Sanchez As the cover says, it is a “slow motion riot of drugs, sex, and gunplay” but it is also an amazing inside look at the world of gangs and the story of one gang member. Both entertaining and educational. A few weeks after I read it I met an ex-Latin King and we had a great conversation, mainly because I understood where he was coming from due to reading this book.

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The Seceret Message of Jesus- Brian McLaren I had high expectations of this book but after reading so many other books about the Emerging Church, books by emerging church authors, and books on Kingdom Theology this book was a bit of a let down. I do recommend it as an introduction to a lot of “emerging” ideas for those who do not know a lot about McLaren’s or his friends’ ideas.
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Rich Christians in the Age of Hunger- Ron Sider I actually didn’t make it all the way through this one- the state of our world really got to me and I ended up feeling depressed. But don’t let that stop you. This is a must-read for Christians.

Irresistable Revolution- Shane Clairborne YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK. One of my all-time favorites… i’m not kidding.
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Deep Ministry in a Shallow World- A great book for youth ministry- the rest of you probably wouldn’t be too interested, but once again those amazing Fuller profs put out a great resource.

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And these are the books I’m currently reading for classes:

Letters Across the Divide- Anderson & Zuercher This book is an easy read and a good introduction to racial reconciliation. If you’ve read a lot on that topic you may want to skip this one.

Dissident Discipleship- Augsburger
I’m super excited about this one. As I get further into the book perhaps you’ll be lucky enough to get a review on it out of me.

Cross-cultural Servanthood- Elmer This book is full of great principles for working multi-culturally. Although it is geared towards going overseas, I am reading it for my Urban Youth Ministry class and finding it helpful for cross-cultural relationships w/in our own country.

Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers- Christian Smith This book is based on a national study of teenagers and really interesting to me, but if you aren’t a youth min major the report-style of writing may stop you by page 50.

The Complete Book of Discipleship- Bill Hull Boring title, amazing book! I recommend this one!!!

Teenage Guys- Gerali An adolescent development book.

Urban Ministry- Oritz & Conn I have been fortunate enough to have had some experience ministring in urban settings, particularily Chicago, but I am still excited to take a deeper look into the biblical basis for urban ministry. I’m also hoping this book will help me figure out if I am called to urban ministry. I’m starting to think that i am (uh oh… )

Do you ever feel trapped sometimes?

Maybe it’s because i’m in my last semester of college. Or maybe it’s because this is my 10th semester (yikes!). Or maybe it’s because I’m in Chicago and it’s too cold or slushy outside to really get out….

but i feel trapped.

Do you ever just crave an adventure? Do you ever just want to get out there and do something wild? (And I don’t mean stupid-wild like trying to drink 15 shots in a row… ) But I mean, do you ever just crave escaping your routine?

I think I’ve fallen into routine. I’ve been married for 6 months (as of today- woowhoo!!). I’ve been at my school for over a year. I’ve gone to the same church and worked at the same church since early fall… and there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of adventures going on in my life. (If you’re thinking “sure sounds like there are a lot of new things in your life” then you don’t know me.)

I just want to be free. I want to go exploring. I want to get in my car and drive to new places. I want to skip a week of school and go on an adventure….

Help! What do you do when you are in serious need of some adventures?

going to the post office in Chicago is always an adventure- and it sure was today

a few weeks ago i realized that i could sell books online through amazon.com. i am a reading/book addict and thought it would be a great way for me to make some money so i could get some other books off of my borders wish list (it’s awfully long … ) So i listed a bunch of my old books online and within a day two of them had sold.

If you sell a book through amazon.com you have to ship it within two business days, so I had to get to the post office today. Mike has a new job and can no longer take public transportation or carpool, so he had to take the car… which left me with two large books that needed to get to the post office and my bike.

Unfortunately the windchill here in chicago was around 15 degrees.

So I put on layers, put a scarf over half my face, and shoved my helmet over my hat so only my eyes were showing and got on my bike… and i made it to the post office only to find that the line was snaked all around inside. Now this was my fourth or fifth time at the lovely Ravenswood post office, and it is always a long line, so I brought the latest Time magazine with me in preparation for the wait… but this was the longest line i have ever seen at a post office... I read almost the entire Time magazine and over 45 minutes later, i made it to the front, paid $4.07 to get my packages shipped, and was on my way home.

Unfortunately reaching the desk at the post office isn’t as thrilling as a ride at Great America but i still love going to the post office. I think, in some twisted way, it makes me feel closer to my neighbors. Every time I go I end up talking to someone or another, however briefly and often about the long lines. And we all stand in line forever, sometimes passing around parts of newspapers trying to keep each other entertained. And whenever I reach the front the same tired ladies are working the four desks, moving at what seems to be snail’s pace after dealing with a long day of a never-ending line. I always smile at them, because i know that most other people are angry and frustrated by the time they survive the 45 minute line… and that smile and friendly greeting always seem to make them go a little bit faster.

Most people may think it’s a waste to spend an hour and a half shipping two books, but me, I like it.

This weekend I was forced to reflect on my time in Chicago thus far and I realized something….

First, being alone.

When Mike and I got married and moved to Chicago, one of the biggest things that changed was my sense of community. I have to confess that we have had the hardest time building friendships. As a fifth year married undergrad with a strong sense of direction in my life, I feel like I don’t fit in with most of my peers at school- I’m older, I’m married, and I’m a very recent transfer student. Most of the other people my age have had four or five years to build great friendships, and I’m the “new-kid-on-the-block” with a husband in tow. With far far less student orgs to get involved in than UW-Madison and less free time on my hands now that I was married, I was unable to find my niche at school this past semester. And Mike found himself at a job where he was by far the youngest person out of the five people that worked with him. So our only hope for meaningful friendships was our church… and building friendships there seemed to be taking a long time.

So Mike and I were alone… a lot. Instead of coming home to 4 or 5 roommates between classes and activities, I came home every day to no one. And instead spending time with large groups of friends, our weekend nights were spent with just the two of us. We didn’t have community- we just had each other.

So I picked up some bad habits. I go online more often. I turn on the TV for background noise. And I got an i-pod… why? Because I miss community and I am not so good at being alone day after day. God just didn’t make me that way. I love spending time with other people, and when other people aren’t around, I reach for the cheap substitutes like the TV or reading blogs. It makes me feel at least a little less alone.

Second, being with others.

Luckily, just this weekend things seemed to be turning around. Mike and I decided to invite some people over that we knew from church, and some people we didn’t know. We were hoping at least two or three would show up at our place on Saturday night. Instead 10 people showed up! So we threw a party. We ate and played mafia until one in the morning. We laughed, we lied to each other (hey, it’s mafia) and we realized we weren’t so alone. And then the next day rolled around. We saw everyone from the night before at church, and there was this comment agreement between everyone, “we’re friends now”. People were exchanging phone numbers in hopes of hanging out more and telling each other how much fun they had together. And only 12 hours after leaving each other the night before, some of us decided to spend the afternoon together watching the Bears game at the local restaurant/bar… we found friends, and we found community. (and the Bears won in OT, but that’s not quite as important.)
Ironically, the sermon yesterday morning was on solitude. And I realized that for all the time I spent alone this past fall, I really didn’t spend much time in solitude. I longed for community and ran as fast as I could away from spending time alone. I tried to distract myself from my lack-of-community as much as possible and reached for the cheap, yet entertaining, substitutes to community often.

So it’s a new season, and a new year, and even though i’m not one for making new years resolutions, I am hoping that this year I find both genuine community and peaceful solitude.

Are we causing irreversible damage to our earth? Are we causing global warming? I think so, and it’s our responsibility to do something about it.

Check out the latest: Ancient Ice Shelf Breaks Free…

Here are a few simple things you can do to reduce your energy consumption and help solve the climate crisis. They are all simple and cheap ideas, so you have no excuse not to try them! And you’ll probably even save money if you follow this tips. (or click here)

1) Conserve hot water: heating hot water is a large source of home energy use, so take shorter or cooler showers, install low-flow shower-heads, wash your clothes in cold water, and wash dishes by hand instead of using your dishwasher.

we use our dishwasher as a cabinet

and we wash all of our clothes in cold water

2) Reduce standby power waste: any appliance with a remote or a clock is always on even when it is “off” and therefore consuming power, so plug your TV, VCR/DVD, microwave and other appliances into powerstrips which you can turn off when you aren’t using the devices

we turn off the power strip whenever we aren’t watching TV
3) Turn off your computer: a lot of people leave there computer on all day and all night, instead turn your computer off when you aren’t using it and turn on low-power mode timers so your computer will automatically hibernate when you are away for a period of time

4) Buy blankets: In the summer, use your air conditioner as little as possible, and in the winter turn down the heat and cuddle under some blankets. Just a few degrees difference can save tons of energy and reduce your heating bills.

our blankets take up our couch, but they sure are nice to cuddle under

5) Stop driving and get a bike!: Americans are both overweight and the largest consumers of energy worldwide. The solution? Buy a bike! A $500 investment in a really nice road bike is much less expensive than car payments or insurance, and you will stay healthy while saving the environment. Build your life around a biking and use it as your main mode of transportation as much as possible.

i do most things by bike instead of by car, even in the winter, including grocery shopping (my bike is the red one in back- isn’t it pretty?)

6) If you have to have a car… make it a small one: Refuse to buy a car that gets less than 30mpg… and if you have enough money, get a hybrid. Our culture and advertising has made us think that “bigger is better” when it comes to transportation, but really, you just look ridiculous driving a pick-up or a Hummer on our country’s smooth streets. And all of you SUV drivers, why oh why? There is no excuse for driving big cars unless you have large families or are using your vehicle regularly for hauling stuff around. Consider why you decided to buy a large car, and if it is for aesthetics or popularity, please please turn it in and get something reasonable.

7) Consume less: Now this is a very very hard thing to change in America’s consumer-driven culture, but consider consuming less. Manufacturing new items uses a lot of energy and materials, and so does packaging and shipping items. So borrow things or rent them, and whenever possible, purchase things used. Shop at thrift stores, buy used cars, and borrow from your friends, family, and neighbors. And don’t buy it unless you really need it.

8 ) Pre-recycle and recycle: Purchase items that have less packaging and have been produced locally, especially when grocery shopping. Locally grown produce has less packaging and travels much less distance, saving tons of energy. And I know you have heard this before, but RECYCLE RECYCLE RECYCLE. Recycling saves energy because re-using resources uses much less energy than gathering new resources.

chicago doesn’t really have a recycling program, so we clean all of our recyclables and save them to bring back to WI where they will actually be recycled… here is our recycling pile in the kitchen

9) Shop with reusable bags: When you go out shopping or to the grocery store, bring reusable bags with you and refuse to put your items in plastic or paper bags.

here are our shopping bags- you can get the Trader Joe’s bag at any TJ store for only $.99

10) Eat less meat: Yes, eating less meat can reduce your energy consumption. It takes a lot more energy to produce and transport meat than to deliver equivalent amounts of protein from plant sources. Grazing land also destroys trees which cuts down on our country’s absorption of carbon dioxide from the environment, which leads to global warming.

11) Use compact fluorescent lightbulbs (CFLs): Compact fluorescent lightbulbs may cost more than traditional lightbulbs, but they last 10 times longer and use 66% less energy, saving you tons of energy and money over their lifetime. So ditch the old bulbs and buy the cool-looking curly ones!

our bathroom had 12 incandescent lightbulbs, so we unscrewed them all and replaced 3 of them with CFLs

12) Support renewable resources: Consider putting solar panels on your home and pay an extra few dollars a month to your electric company to support the creation and use of renewable energy sources.

And last- share this list with your friends and keep learning yourself. It’s time you take responsibility for your energy consumption and your contribution to global warming.

Chicago–> Madison –> Chicago–> Madison –> Beaver Dam–> Milwaukee–> Madison–> Chicago–>  Madison–> Beaver Dam–> Madison–> Chicago
Since December 18th until today, I’ve mostly been living out of a suitcase. After many days of traveling I typically wish for a few days at home to regroup and unpack, but this break I loved living out of my suitcase.

For one, I have a great suitcase- my brother-in-law Tim gave it to us as a wedding present.

Second, I found a great new way to pack- by rolling everything instead of folding it. It makes suitcase-living a lot more fun.

And finally, I actually packed enough clothes and underwear to make it through all my travels.

So, a great Christmas season for living out of my suitcase.

I think the best part was seeing so many people. At Blackhawk study day (yes, one of my favorite holidays) I spent the entire time hanging out with my sister and seeing so many UW-Madison friends. I spent a night at my sister’s co-op in Madison… and would love to live there someday. I saw old roommates, spent a few days with Linds (back from KY!) in Chicago, got to pick up the Kludts at Midway airport after their 12 hr trip from LA, I spent New Years playing mafia again (it’s my new favorite holiday tradition!), lived in my brother-in-law’s basement, and probably ate too many of Mama Drew’s famous peanut butter balls… and had a great holiday season. After a lonely few months here in Chicago it was so refreshing to spend break with good friends and family, and well worth all the gas money of traveling around.

So this year, here’s to living out of a suitcase.