June 2006

I feel guilty lately. I’m stressed out with so much going on that I end up turning on the TV. Not cool. Most of TV is complete crap, except Friends, Will and Grace, Lost, and a decent movie that is on every so often (or a good music video on CMT). But TV does a great job of distracting me from whatever is stressful, so I am drawn to turn on the very TV I hate. I try to open up a book, but when I am stressed out I end up staring at the page and worrying instead. Eventually I realize that I’ve been watching the TV Guide Channel for 20 minutes because there is nothing even remotely interesting on all 80 of our channels, so I turn it off and get back to work, still stressed out.

Maybe I should just throw the thing away.

The world would be better without TV (with the exception of episodes of Friends and CNN in my opinion) but it has some sick appeal. Maybe we’re just lazy, and watching TV is the best way to pointlessly burn hours away while using just a little more energy than it takes to sleep, and the whole time we’re distracted from the fact that we’re wasting time.

Maybe I could compromise and just put my TV in the closet.

There is something great about working at EVP this summer.

In the midst of major life change, the craziness of interning for Blackhawk Church, and the stress of wedding planning, too many things are left uncertain. A question keeps nagging me, “will you really be able to pull this all off?” I wish I could say right back, “of course, it’s not that bad… and i know stress and business, and i can handle it.” Unfortunately there is such a big difference between being able to “handle” something and doing it well. And when it comes to marriage and ministry, there is no question- i want to do it well. So the question really becomes “can you really do this all well?” and i have to say, i just don’t know.

But EVP. Oh EVP, a breath of fresh air. A break from the stress and the nagging questions… a place where I know I can do it all well. Maybe it is a place of false security, but I love walking into work and knowing what i am doing. I know that I can do my job. I know that I can serve people and make them happy while doing it. I know that I can answer questions and work quickly and make a damn good double-shot extra-dry capp with whole milk and silky-smooth foam. The job isn’t stressful, even at the shop’s busiest, because I know what I have to do and I know I can do it well.

Oh, a breath of fresh coffee-smelling air and a place where I can do more than just handle it.

it was time for a new blog… something fresh and exciting to write on… so here i am, laying in the grass, working on my new blog

 welcome!